Can Anxious and Avoidant Relationships Work

Can Anxious and Avoidant Relationships Work?

ByUmesh Kumar

Can Anxious and Avoidant Relationships Work? – The dance of intimacy that couples perform is known as the relationship duet. One partner advances while the other retreats. Although partners may switch roles, they should always leave some distance between them.

The dance is exhausting but comfortable for everyone. But why do these couples initially draw each other? What should you do if your avoidant partner starts to withdraw? And can relationships between partners with such extreme attachment styles last? Yes, to answer briefly. However, the secret to these couples’ longevity is a little more intricate.

attachment chart Can Anxious and Avoidant Relationships Work
Attachment Chart – Can Anxious and Avoidant Relationships Work

Anxious relationships and avoidant can succeed if both partners are willing to meet each other’s emotional needs. For instance, avoidants may need to be patient with their partners, keep their communication open, and avoid crucial conversations that could result in emotional intimacy. Additionally, anxious people should work to overcome their anxieties by letting go of their fear while realizing that trying to control every relationship element constitutes a form of self-sabotage.

People with attachment issues often struggle to manage the give-and-take of relationships.

When the anxious partner starts to worry that they might lose the intense love they initially felt, they are drawn to their avoidant partner’s security and seemingly constant attention. Their natural response is to seek out more attention as it causes more panic.

The avoidant lover interprets their partner’s urgency as a control because they are already alert for signs of oppression. The lover who has been dumped might begin to feel contempt toward them, making them more anxious and pulling away even more.

Those on the avoidant side, who were most frequently raised in homes where emotions were not expressed, are still used to people not accommodating them. They occasionally unconsciously wish their partner would sense when something is wrong so it wouldn’t need to be said. They feel too vulnerable to ask for assistance.

An intense fear of oppression and rejection lies behind all the blaming, deflecting, and nondisclosure; this person believes that talking to their partner is like giving them a weapon. It is simple to come across as entrapment when you inquire about someone’s feelings who is on the avoidant side.

Avoidants sometimes recognize the helpless, anxious child as their partners’ anxious energy—the same energy they try to stifle. Even though the anxious partner is also initially drawn to that energy with a sense of familiarity, avoidant coping mechanisms start to work to tame it, causing a rift in the relationship.

How can it work?

This dance would end if neither party felt secure enough to be vulnerable. To achieve this level of harmony, each person must acknowledge that neither of you chose your emotional tendencies; instead, you both learned them to survive after learning to adapt to your early environments. Therefore, you must unlearn some lessons you have carried for most of your life to maintain a healthy romantic relationship. This is easier said than done, but it is possible. How, though?

Continuous practice is necessary. The good news is that anxious and avoidant partners can grow more comfortable in their union. And the ideal person to do this with is a loving partner. You and they can work together to establish a new pattern in your relationship, even if they have insecure attachment issues.

You can choose a different course of action when one of you recognizes behavioural triggers. In the relationship, you both work to understand one another’s emotional attachment preferences. And you know your partner can gently remind you of the changes you’ve made and support you in getting back on track if you fall back into your old habits, which you will probably do initially.

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