Relationship Advice for Couples: 14 Principles For Lasting Relationships

Love is wonderful. Not only does it contribute to the planet’s functioning, but it is also arguably the most beautiful aspect of what makes us human. But love is also tricky and perplexing. Relationships are difficult and rarely simple.

How can we maximize the positive effects of love in our lives, particularly in terms of romantic partnerships? By studying and making the effort to become the greatest partners we can, we can. As a result, this handbook includes the best relationship advice for couples.

A love tale can be compelling in various ways. There isn’t a single, perfect solution. Many psychologists, relationship experts, and even philosophers have dedicated much of their lives to delving deeply into what true love is and how to discover and preserve it. We can rely on these professionals to explain what often succeeds in marriages and relationships so that we can practice it in our own lives.

All of that knowledge has been condensed into 14 concepts that we believe might help couples build enduring, meaningful relationships.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR COUPLES

MAKE SPENDING QUALITY TIME TOGETHER A PRIORITY

Spending quality time together and developing a genuine connection is undoubtedly one of the secrets to a successful relationship.

What does this mean?

This goes beyond simply setting aside time for regular date evenings, though we do encourage this as a way to find romance and adventure. See all of our top date suggestions for couples. The most important thing is that you and your spouse feel you are engaging in activities that allow you to connect on a real level during your quality time.

You might need to plan and prioritize this, especially if you have children or a hectic schedule. Quality time seldom happens, but when you try to schedule it into your week, you’ll see that it significantly impacts your marriage.

It’s not necessary to spend a lot of time together or go through strenuous activities to enjoy quality time; it may be as simple as sipping coffee together in silence every morning. This is one suggestion from our list of easy routines couples may adopt to foster these intimate times. (Read more about the top behaviors of contented couples.)

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN NEEDS

We should undoubtedly seek the assistance and support of our partners. Partners do require certain things from one another. However, it’s quite simple to fall into the trap of expecting our spouse to satisfy our wants and turn to them to make things right.

When I initially met my spouse, I was guilty of doing this. I was quite anxious about his sentiments for me and kept asking him to tell me that he loved me and was devoted to me. If only he would say or do such and such, I reasoned, I would feel better, and these concerns would go away.

But the fact is that we are all accountable for our behaviors, feelings, and self-worth.

I was making things worse by asking my spouse to give me the reassurance I so urgently wanted (and an endless cycle of needing reassurance in a relationship). Instead of blaming him, I needed to get my act together and resolve this problem. In the end, I did just this, and it had a significant impact on our relationship.

Realizing that we are in control of our own emotions is the mature, adult thing to do. This assists us in avoiding the blame game, which involves blaming our spouse for how we may be feeling, and in not expecting our partner to “fix” us. Our ideas and expectations about a person, event, or circumstance “directly impact and, many would say, drive our feelings,” according to PsychCentral.

What does being responsible for our own needs look like?

In a conflict situation, it’s important to take control of your emotions. Controlling your negative emotions will prevent you from acting unhealthily or cruelly toward your partner. Realizing that you are responsible for handling your baggage from former relationships, your early years or anything else is also important.

It goes without saying that long-term relationships or marriages are fertile environments for these old problems to surface. We may be vulnerable with someone when we are at ease with them (for better and for worse). At this point, “Stuff” pops up—your old problems, tics, and worries.

When this occurs, remember this crucial relationship advice: stand back and acknowledge the reality of what is happening. Keep an eye on where these feelings originate since they presumably originate deep within you.

COMPATIBILITY MATTERS, BUT ACTION MATTERS MOST

Compatibility is a significant factor in choosing your life mate. While it is undoubtedly significant, there is much more to choosing a partner than simply being compatible with them.

People who work hard to understand one another, speak openly, and attempt to satisfy one another’s needs every day can have happy relationships even if their personalities don’t appear to be a good match on paper. The most important factor in creating a successful relationship is effort.

Naturally, there is something to be said for partnerships that will be a little “easier” right away, and compatibility may help make that possible. Compatibility requires much more than comparable interests or viewpoints.

The most telling indicator of a compatible relationship is the presence of shared values since both of you approach your relationship (and life) from relatively similar angles. (See additional indicators that you’ve found the proper mate.) In many respects, this will make things much easier for you.

Compatibility is only a term in the end. The most important things are making the appropriate relationship choice and being your ideal partner. Also, being terrific friends and partners is important.

EXPRESS LOVE DAILY (AND LOVE YOUR PARTNER IN THE WAY THEY NEED TO BE LOVED)

Although this relationship advice for couples seems straightforward, it might be more challenging than we realize.

Your lover needs to understand how much you value and adore them. The happiest couples tell each other this all the time. Individuals can grow in relationships when both parties feel safe and valued. You feel secure enough to take chances, be open to being hurt, and develop into your best self in such a partnership. It’s fantastic.

Both spouses must learn how to show one another love and how to do it in a way that makes the other person feel the most loved.) Understanding your partner’s love language is essential in this situation. We may utilize the five love languages as a great tool to comprehend this idea. See our introduction and overview of the five love languages.

PS: One of our top suggestions for how to improve your marriage every day is to learn each other’s preferred means of communication.

However, most of us know how to communicate our love without considering the many love languages. We may express our love to our lovers with personalized letters (see: 25+ Romantic Open When Letter Ideas for Couples), thoughtful presents (see: 100 Reasons Why I Love You List and Gift Ideas), or by holding them close and telling them how great they are. This relationship advice’s emphasis on being kind and empathetic is its most crucial component.

PRACTICE SELFLESSNESS AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY

What could be more loving and compassionate than putting another person’s needs before your own? The capacity to make essential compromises or sacrifices out of love for your partner is a critical component of successful marriage and relationships.

Relationships are complicated, let’s face it. Difficulties and hardships are inevitable if you’re with someone for an extended period. You’ll have to put in a lot of effort, and it’s daunting. To care for someone, sometimes it might be a little daunting for us as humans to put our needs aside. It’s frequently awkward, inconvenient, and downright tricky.

Although it’s commonly believed that marriages are 50/50, the truth is that this proportion is always shifting. Your partnership will go through periods where the split is 60/40 or even 90/10.

Your spouse may occasionally be dealing with something that prevents them from putting much of themselves into the relationship. They might be suffering from a severe sickness. They might be struggling with severe depression.

A relationship won’t always be “fair” and balanced, no matter the cause. You may have to give more often than you get at times. Perhaps a lot more. Can you manage it? Although it won’t be simple, being able to do this for the people we care about is crucial and is one of the most critical aspects of developing a long-lasting connection.

So, go to practice right away. Be as unselfish as you can in any situation. Get used to giving without expecting anything in return. I’m ready to wager that along with interpersonal improvements, you’ll also get new personal advantages.

NEVER STOP LEARNING ABOUT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS (ONE OF OUR TOP PIECES OF RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR COUPLES)

One of the easiest pieces of Relationship Advice for Couples is to always be learning and developing in your partnership. Any skill you wish to master requires practice. Relationships need talent, so don’t be reluctant to look for the tools that will make that possible!

We consistently believe that couples therapy is an excellent tool for couples. You don’t need to be experiencing “issues” to benefit from couples counseling. Consider it similar to routine maintenance. Said working with a trained therapist to address any areas where your relationship may be improved is a smart idea.

However, reading is also a vital component of understanding good relationships. Naturally, we’d love for you to return to Two Drifters often, but we suggest you read some of the finest marital books, watch these fantastic TED lectures on couples, and listen to the best marriage podcasts.

NEVER STOP STRIVING TO BE A BETTER PERSON

Working on yourself is one of the most crucial relationship recommendations, like always learning about relationships. Do you want to be in a beautiful relationship? Make a fantastic teammate!

This is excellent general life advice regardless of whether you’re single, dating, married, or in a committed relationship.

Working with our worries is one of the ways we’ve personally experienced self-improvement. Both Nathan and I have various forms of anxiety, which, if untreated, might be harmful to our marriage. Therefore, it is crucial for both the success of our relationships and our mental health and happiness to learn to handle them as well as possible.

We’ve got some resources on that for you here: How to Deal With Anxiety in Relationships.

HANDLE RELATIONSHIP STRUGGLES/PROBLEMS AS A TEAM

Even the most devoted, passionate, and contented partnerships have rough patches. Relationship difficulties are common and, more than that, should be anticipated.

So, how do you deal with them? As a team.

It’s important to remember that you and your significant other are in this together no matter what comes your way. You and I are teammates. It’s a good idea to keep this in mind even in a usual disagreement. You two are not at odds with one another. You and the issue are at odds while you work to find a solution to protect and develop your connection.

This team mentality is a crucial component of happy marriages. It will benefit you throughout your marriage or relationship and ultimately assist you in avoiding some pointless disputes.

It’s also beneficial to recognize that challenges and disagreements are common and beneficial. Never getting into a fight or disagreeing is not normal. Constructive conflict is an essential component of a strong, long-term relationship.

STAY CURIOUS

Whether you’ve been together for a year or 20 years, staying interested in your mate is one way to maintain a successful relationship. As we all mature and develop, it’s important to let go of the notion that you already know everything there is to know about this individual.

We may see our partners with new eyes when we maintain our curiosity. We want to know why they are considering things in a particular manner or why they responded the way they did.

Additionally, it lessens the likelihood of us making unjustified assumptions about others to damage our feelings. You know the proverbial statement, “What happens when you assume?” Yup.

COMMUNICATE WITH PATIENCE, HONESTY, AND OPENNESS

One of the most challenging things in partnerships is communication. You’re simply chatting. It looks simple, yet communication is quite subtle and intricate. It goes beyond words. It’s vocal inflection, nonverbal cues, subtext, etc. And it is considerably more profound in a loving partnership. We are in communication with whom we share life and who are the greatest at knowing and loving us. Given all of this, it will inevitably become a touch sticky.

So, educate yourself on effective couple communication. This talent may be developed in a connection to a tee. Healthy communication does not always come easy to us since it is difficult. So, understanding how to communicate with and listen to our spouse requires much work and effort.

In the end, effective communication comes down to being patient, truthful, and transparent. Concentrating on those things will get you almost there. Check out our comprehensive guide on 5 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships and these nine activities for couples communication.

PUT TIME AND ENERGY INTO ROMANCE

Finding romance in your relationship is what we’re all about! We frequently try to include romance in both major and minor ways.

But how exactly do you do that? What do you do to maintain the fire in your relationship? How do you keep the romance? What if you’re not even romantically inclined?

Our entire website is devoted to suggestions for romance and adventure, so feel free to look around for endless inspiration. However, in the end, we can summarise everything into three concise principles:

1. Take adventures

Want your relationship to have more romance? Try something new! Trying something new together has a big impact, whether it’s an adventurous activity like skydiving or a more sedate one like taking a cooking class. It deepens your connection, fosters shared experiences and brings you closer together than ever. (Our list of 101 things to do as a pair)

We also urge you to make as many romantic trip plans as possible. It need not be that far from home. Even a romantic weekend trip or staycation is a wonderful chance to reconnect and reignite your passion.

2. Continue to flirt

Never stop making out with your spouse! Flirting keeps things new and serves as a gentle reminder to your spouse that you find them alluring. Sending one of these amusing, flirtatious texts to him or her can accomplish flirting. (PS: These romantic and beautiful texts are also fantastic for him and her.)

3. Prioritize intimacy

A good marriage requires both sex and connection. Make as many opportunities as you can for intimacy and sex. Even while scheduling your sex time may seem “unsexy,” busy couples understand that it can occasionally be necessary. One couple we know claims that having sex nearly every day for nine years has been essential to fostering closeness in their union. Daily sex might not be feasible, but you can try to have physical contact as often as you can.

There is no reason not to spend the time and effort to connect when you are in a long-distance relationship; intimacy and romance are still possible. This advice for long-distance relationships may be helpful to couples who are not far distant.

EMBRACE VULNERABILITY AS KEY TO TRUE INTIMACY

Be vulnerable.

Our capacity to be fully vulnerable creates so much beauty and enchantment. Vulnerability is what makes relationships holy and meaningful at their core.

Being vulnerable is not simple. In a subsequent blog article, we’ll discuss vulnerability in relationships in more detail because it’s a topic that merits in-depth discussion.

Setting the friendship component of your relationship as your priority is an excellent place to start when dealing with vulnerability. Friends are the individuals we go to seek acceptance and reveal our darkest secrets. The same ought to apply in a relationship. For more information, please read our article about friendship in marriage.

COMMITMENT IS EVERYTHING

The significance of commitment cannot be stressed enough in this Relationship Advice manual for Couples.

We think that dedication in our relationships is essential. We view marriage as a lifetime commitment. Divorce is not even a possibility for us. We are here to stay.

We believe this degree of dedication is essential for a successful partnership. Without that, what would spur you to persevere in adversity? Without it, how can we trust that our spouse will be there for us even when times are difficult? Dedication is essential.

I realize now that we can’t predict the future. We should enter into marriage or long-term partnerships with this as our objective, even if it is impossible to declare anything with full confidence.

PS: It’s common to fear commitment. (We include it as one of the potential explanations he hasn’t offered.) That’s alright. It might take time to get comfortable with commitment, so it’s understandable if it doesn’t seem to come effortlessly.

GO WITH THE FLOW

Long-term, committed relationships have a natural ebb and flow, and if you can accept that it won’t always be easy & breezy, hot & heavy, or any other fantasy combination from a romance novel, you won’t panic and wonder what went wrong when you find yourself in a season of the relationship that isn’t easy & breezy or hot & heavy.

You may be confident that you and your spouse are on a stable foundation as you move through the many seasons and difficulties of your lives if you and your partner are adhering to the key principles of the relationship advice for couples presented above.

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