10 Best Practices for Dating As a Single Parent in 2023

Experts explain how to recognize your readiness and find the ideal partner.

Being a single parent and entering the dating world again might be intimidating, especially if you haven’t been dating in a while. Worrying about rejection, how your children will respond to a new relationship, or even if you’re ready for someone new to enter your family’s life is a regular occurrence.

Relationship therapist and certified sex educator Deb Laino, DHS, of Delaware, adds that queries such as “What do I do with my kids?” When should I introduce my children? When will we make love? Do I desire a romantic partnership once more? They are also very typical.

Because of this, “getting back in the game” might be difficult, according to psychotherapist and BetterLove.com founder Les Parrott, Ph.D. “If doing that requires taking your time, go ahead. Do it if doing so requires first seeking therapy or coaching. The hardest thing is just getting started.

So when is the ideal moment to begin? Following, experts Laino, Parrott, and others respond to this question and provide nine additional suggestions to help you date again as the amazing single parent you are:

1. Wait a year.

The wisest action for you and your kids is to wait a full calendar year following the breakdown of your previous relationship before starting to date again. People may feel a little adrift after a divorce, according to Laino. You can find things that make you happy on your own time by engaging in activities that interest you. Who knows, though? You could even come across someone also interested in those things.

2. Confront your issues.

It’s critical to analyze what went wrong, how it could have affected you, and even how you might have contributed to the issue, advises Laino, especially if you’re leaving an unhealthy relationship. If not, you’ll merely bring those problems into your subsequent relationships, probably resulting in the same stress and tension.

Therefore, if communication was a problem in your last relationship, take a year off dating to concentrate on connecting with others and speaking your views. If your self-worth is a problem, work on it if body image is a contributing factor. Seeing a therapist could also be a good option, especially if you have trouble with self-reflection, advises Laino.

3. Let go of guilt.

When you first begin dating as a single parent, you might be concerned about how your kids will react to you hanging out with someone new or spending less time at home. All of these emotions are natural, but you can’t allow them to stop you.

According to Paul Coleman, PsyD, a psychologist and the author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is in Pieces, “you’ll probably experience some inner conflict—a desire to date and start a new life with someone while simultaneously feeling some guilt or worry about the effects of dating on the children.” The error is oscillating back and forth between those feelings as you try to rationalize dating on the one hand while fearing or feeling guilty on the other.

Accept that your family life will sometimes be disrupted when you begin to date.

How to stop this back-and-forth: Recognize that dating will occasionally disrupt your family life. That’s not always negative, especially if you’re about to welcome a good addition into your life.

4. Know what you want.

Parrott advises choosing what you want in a new companion before meeting individuals. Start with what is most important to you, such as your core principles, and record them.

Parrott advises making a list of the things that will make or break a sale—10 for each. Although this may seem absurd, it works since you can decide immediately whether a person is worth pursuing. Don’t only rely on your emotions.

Tolerance is one item that should unquestionably be included. Having children sometimes requires patience, adds Laino; therefore, they need more.

5. Give online dating a chance.

If you’re a single parent, you likely spend most of your spare time driving the kids to basketball practice and recitals rather than going to the neighborhood bar. As you re-enter the dating scene, online dating may be a terrific place to start.

Parrott advises that the first thing to know is to “choose a respectable dating service, and don’t be scared to pay for it.” According to Laino, Match.com, and eHarmony are often solid options for establishing a lasting relationship, mainly because they cater to single parents. The use of well-known dating apps like Bumble and Hinge has also increased.

Following your registration, Parrott advises that you complete your profile’s basic information, post a few recent photos, and enlist the help of a buddy to give you constructive criticism. As soon as you obtain the go-ahead, continue looking for matches.

According to Parrot, that entails checking in at least once every few days to see who is contacting you. How will you know if you meet someone worthwhile? Do it in the open, and always tell a friend what you’re up to, merely in case.

6. Be transparent with your kids.

Worrying about how your children will feel about you dating again is highly genuine. But once more, it’s crucial to resist the need to never leave the house without them because of this anxiety.

Parrott advises keeping the lines of communication open. That entails conversing with your children (of the proper age) to let them know what you’re up to. Please don’t keep it a secret out of concern that people might find it strange. Permit them to express their feelings.

Additionally, defining dating for your children, especially young ones, is a good idea. Inform them that it’s common for grownups to meet new people and form temporary friendships. It doesn’t matter if it works out or not—it’s always a negative thing. Laino explains, “That’s incredibly necessary, just in case things don’t work out.”

7. Be upfront that you’re a parent.

The earlier you let your date know that you are a parent, even if you don’t have to disclose your entire life story on the first date, the better. Laino makes a valid point when she asks, “What if you’re on a date and you have to leave because your kid had an accident?”

It’s very OK for a single parent to prioritize their children if they need you to take a call or end the date, especially if you’re dating someone without children. According to Coleman, the ideal new companion would fully appreciate this reality and be delighted to spend time with your kids.

8. Be thoughtful about introducing someone to your kids.

Make sure everyone is prepared, starting with your children. Your kids will know once the two of you start taking things seriously, and ideally, they’ll ask to meet your partner, advise Parrott if they don’t, suggest the concept, and agree with you and your kids.

The same holds for your spouse. Wait until it appears that the two people are truly in love, that a commitment is sought, and that the relationship is stable, advises Coleman. Otherwise, there’s a chance that the kids would become connected to someone who later leaves since their bond was weak.

9. Name any challenges upfront.

If you intend to introduce a new spouse to your children, be open and honest about their personalities and routines. Coleman advises being upfront about any issues that develop (acting out, subpar academic performance, etc.).

This individual will assume a more authoritative position with your children if they become a more constant part of your family’s life. As a result, you and this person need to agree on how to handle conflicts between the children and you as their parent. In this manner, the new spouse may abide by such restrictions.

10. Never, ever settle!

…just in case you weren’t paying attention: NEVER SETTLE. Coleman asserts that having children or being older does not make a person less appealing. A responsible individual won’t allow such things to stand in the way of getting to know you and maybe falling in love.

This begins on the first date with a prospective new companion. When you were in your 20s and dating, do you still remember the bad dates who would pick you up late or keep looking at their phones at the dinner table? These are inappropriate for a single parent.

According to Laino, “I believe that’s an extremely major red flag, and it’s probably not going to change” if someone doesn’t respect you. Early on, look for behaviors that indicate disrespect, such as being late, offering advice on raising your children, or not paying attention while speaking.

FAQ

How do you date as a single parent?

Dating as a single parent can be challenging, as it requires finding the time and energy to balance parenting responsibilities with the desire to meet new people. One way to make it easier is to try online dating, which allows you to search for and connect with potential partners from the comfort of your home.

You can also try joining local groups or organizations that align with your interests, as this can be a great way to meet new people who share your values and passions. It’s important to be open and honest with potential partners about your role as a parent and to set boundaries to ensure your children’s needs are met.

It may also be helpful to enlist the support of a trusted friend or family member to help with childcare while you go out on dates. Ultimately, the key to successful dating as a single parent is to be patient and not be afraid to put yourself out there.

Is it hard dating as a single parent?

Dating as a single parent can be challenging. Finding the time to go on dates and ensure that your children are cared for while you’re away can be difficult. Finding someone who understands and supports your situation can also be hard. However, with proper planning and support from family and friends, it is possible to find success in the dating world as a single parent.

How do you date when you have a child?

Having a child doesn’t have to mean the end of your dating life! While balancing dating with parenting responsibilities can be challenging, it is possible. Here are some tips to help make it a bit easier:

• Talk to your child. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your child so they understand why you’re dating and the role they will play in your new relationship.
• Find the right timing. It’s important to balance spending time with your child and having time for yourself. Consider scheduling your dates for when your child will be with a family member or friend so you can have quality time alone.
• Make sure your partner is comfortable with your child. Before introducing your partner to your child, ensure they are comfortable with the idea. This can help avoid any awkwardness or misunderstandings.
• Be open and honest. Communicate with your partner about your feelings and expectations. This can help ensure that everyone is on the same page and that there is mutual understanding.

Good luck and happy dating!

How do single parents deal with dating?

Dating can be a tricky topic for single parents. They need to take the time to find a partner who will be supportive of them and their children. It is important to remember your children’s feelings when introducing them to a new partner.

When it comes to dating, it can be helpful to find family-friendly activities. This way, you can spend time with your partner and children all at once and get to know each other better. It’s also important to talk to your children about the person you’re dating and to be honest about your relationship.

Above all, it’s important for single parents to take time for themselves and to find balance in their lives. Dating doesn’t have to be a stressful experience. With some planning and patience, single parents can find someone who loves and supports them and their children.

The bottom line is that, like dating in any other part of your life, dating as a single parent will have its ups and downs.

When you do find someone excellent, it won’t be flawless, but that’s alright. Parrott states, “Kids often take a long time to become in sync with you and a new spouse.” The journey may seem challenging initially, but if you achieve balance, it will be well worth it for you and your family.